Emmett's List
by takingnames15
Summary: The Cullen's are fed up with Emmett, so the make a list of what he CAN'T do.
1. Chapter 1

"That's it!" shrieked Alice. She ran down stairs with her favorite comb glued to her hair. She pointed at Emmett who was leaning against the sofa and snickering. "He replaced my hair gel with Elmer's Glue!" **(AN: I don't own Elmer's Glue) **Jasper walked up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Carlisle" he murmured "I think we should make a list of things Emmett can't do!" "Preach Jasper!" said Edward. "All in favor of making a rule list for Emmett say I" Jasper grinned. "I" rang out around the room with one booming "Not I" from Emmett. "It's settled then " said Carlisle "one by one we will walk up and put one thing on the list, then say our reasons for putting it up." Alice smirked at Emmett. "Jerk" he mumbled.

This is just the intro….

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FanFictionGirl1123


	2. Chapter 2

Rosalie's Turn

"Oh!" called Rosalie "pick me, pick me!" Emmett just stared. "OK Rosalie" said Carlisle"Go ahead!"

Rosalie pranced up to the list and wrote:

Emmett will never take advice from a spider.

Rosalie

"Here's why" she started:

_One day about 3 years ago. I found Emmett in my closet dig thorough my clothes. When I asked him what the heck he was doing. He simply responded "Looking for Sid"_

_And I asked him "Who is Sid?" and he said Sid was his pet tarantula he bought from Sheldon at his pet store._** (AN: Sheldon is my crazy OC hobo that is featured in most of my stories) **_So I asked him why he was in my closet looking through my clothes for Sid, and he said "Because I found this in your underwear drawer." He held out a dead mouse with tarantula hair on it! So I asked him why he was in my underwear drawer, and he said that Sid had told him to. I decided to play along and asked him if Sid knew the no underwear rule and he said "Yeah I told him but he's a BAD spider" he told me._

With that, Rosalie skipped to the couch and landed on Emmett's lap. She turned her head to look at him and made a puppy face. "Fine I forgive you" he told her

.

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–Siskatear 1


	3. Chapter 3

Bella's Turn

"Bella it's your turn" said Carlisle. "Huh what?" asked Bella. "Your turn" said Carlisle.

"I'm voting off Emmett!" "This isn't flippin Survivor!" yelled Emmett, amused" "Oh yeah!" said Bella. She walked up to the board and wrote:

Emmett can never ever mention Renesmee at school! **(AN: The Cullens have moved to northern Washington next to the Canadian Border) **

"Remember this?" asked Bella:

"_5 years ago when we lived in Maine, Emmett and I were in Family Science and the teacher was talking about how we were going to take care of fake babies. Emmett raised his hand and the teacher called on him and he said "This should be easy! Renesmee is, and she's real!" Then the teacher asked who Renesmee was and he said, flip him, "Oh Renesmee is Bella's daughter!" and everyone stared at me and I turned bright red and then that George boy asked who the father was, and mister stupid himself said it was Edward." _Bella pointed at Emmett._ That's why we left Maine._

Edward was looking daggers at Emmett and yelled "It's your fault we left Maine!"

And the rest is too violent to be under K+.

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–Siskatear 1


	4. Chapter 4

"My turn!" said Jasper as he walked up to the board.

He wrote:

Emmett can no longer make jokes about the height difference between me and Alice.

Jasper

"Story time, yeah!"yelled Emmett. "Ok fine" said Jasper, "here's my story:"

_One time Alice and I were sitting on the couch together discussing the Trig teacher. Then Emmett comes up to us with a measuring tape and tells as to stand back to back. We refused but he said if we didn't he'd go into our room and trash it! I didn't want to start a fight so we gave in. Then he measured us and started laughing. When I asked him what was so funny, he said there was a 17" inch difference in our heights, and he's never stopped making jokes since that day, and it was 11 years ago!_

Jasper walked back to his seat but before he could sit down, Emmett came out with the same measuring tape and pushed him and Alice back to back. "Still 17"" he laughed, but he didn't make a joke. "I take this seriously!" he smiled.

I've had a few Esme requests and I will do her, but I'm saving her for last!

So you gotta stay tuned!

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–Siskatear 1


	5. Chapter 5

Alice rose from her seat and walked up to the board, not even waiting to be called on. She wrote:

Emmett may not touch anything I own. (And yes I own Jasper!)

-Alice

"You do not own Jasper!" said Emmett. Alice gave Jasper a dazzling smile. A stupid grin appeared on his face and he said "yes she does." "Here's the story behind this!" said Alice.

_I'll tell the one from TODAY! Well and walked into my bathroom today and started combing my hair. Then I opened a hair gel container and stuck my comb in it, so I could comb it through my hair. Then my comb got stuck in my hair. I touched my comb and it was Elmer's Glue! So I had to hop in the shower and shampooed 54 times!_

"Well you got one good thing out of it!" pointed out Jasper. "Oh yeah?" asked Alice. "Yeah, you smell absolutely awesome" replied Jasper. Renesmee gagged. "Stop with the mushy-gushy goo-goo!" she whined


	6. Chapter 6

"Why don't you take a turn Carlisle?" asked Alice sweetly. "O.K" Carlisle smiled, "I have just the thing!" With that Carlisle walked up to the board and wrote:

_Emmett shall not tell the kids at school I cut people up with little saws!_

_-Carlisle_

"I would like to hear THAT story" said Esme. "O.K then Esme lovely"

_I walked into the hospital one morning and I saw one little boy shaking and screaming he didn't want to see me . I grimaced and went to talk to the mother. She said her son had broken his arm 1 week previously and was told to come in as to see it was healing correctly. So the boy's mother dragged him into my office to get his X-rays done, and all the while he was screaming over and over he didn't want to see me. When we got to my office I asked him why he was so scared, and the pour little guy said that his big brother said Emmett from school had told him that cuts people up with little knives, then his big brother told him. So I told the pour boy I had never, ever cut anyone up with a knife, and that Emmett didn't know what he was talking about. After that the kids seemed fine. _

Carlisle finished. "Emmett" said Jasper "you're the biggest idiot I've met in over 100 years!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Renesmee's Rule**

"Pick Me!" called Renesmee. "She takes after her father" Bella muttered in Edward's ear. He chuckled. "Ok then" said Carlisle. Renesmee toddled **(AN: This takes place right after Breaking Dawn)** over to the board. See touched Carlisle. "Oh, of course" he said, "What would you like me to write?" She whispered in his ear. Carlisle grabbed the pen and wrote:

_Emmett can make no more jokes about me and the Loch Ness Monster!_

_Renesmee_

"What's the story?" Carlisle asked her. She touched him for a long moment. "Ok" said Carlisle, "Renesmee says:

_One day I was playing with Grandma Esme's spoon and Emmett was at the computer, typing in a search engine. Then he got up and walked over to me holding a picture of what looked like a slimy piece of wood in a lake in my face. "This is your namesake" he told me. I touched him and showed him a picture of my disgust. He just laughed about a monster and Loch Ness and me! _

Bella glared at Emmett. Then looked at Renesmee and said "Aw Renesmee we didn't name you after the Loch Ness Monster! Jacob started calling you Nessie! I hated it; you're too cute and sweet to be a sea monster! Renesmee smiled and hugged her mother and father.

**Aw, cute at the end! R and R my many fanfiction followers! I would say I love you, but I don't know you…**


	8. Chapter 8

**Esme's Rule**

"It's your turn Esme!" smiled Renesmee. So Esme walked up to the board and wrote:

_Emmett my not try to find any loopholes in this rule list_

Emmett scowled. "Story time!" said Bella.

_Once before we tried to make a list like this for Emmett. Two months later the little skunk!_

"That's cold!" whispered Jasper.

**Yeah I know it's short.**

**The Next Chapter is the grand finale!**


	9. Chapter 9

Well this time Emmett had to follow the rules. For about 6 years. Then he burned the contract up in smoke.

Moral of the Story:

Emmett can find a loophole anywhere!

**I hope you enjoyed Emmett's List! All this would not be possible without: **

**Stephanie Meyer**

**My friend that introduced me to the Twilight Saga**

**And all my wonderful reviewers!**

**- Siskatear 1**


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